i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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