I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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