The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
