so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize