my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
