DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
