I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
