big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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