capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
