Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
