if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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