Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
