Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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