He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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