Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
