I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
