everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Can I color on your dick again?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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