there's paper in my vomit.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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