True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
