FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
