Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
