i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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