I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
