Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
