I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
