I will die if light touches me.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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