i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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