Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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