yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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