There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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