how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
