Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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