I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
