At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
