My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
