If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
