watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I want her autograph on my taint
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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