When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
