So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
