I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
