I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
