At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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