totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
