porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
