Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
