i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize