omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
