I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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