The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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