I seem to have left my pride at pride
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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