All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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