So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
