oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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