my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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