Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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