I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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