the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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