Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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