Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize