Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
