I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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