So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
