READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
