question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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