Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i already hear my dad disowning me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
