kristin has been a bad kristin
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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