Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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