Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
