Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
