this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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