THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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