did you get engaged???
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
