No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
