i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
being pregnant is like rehab
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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