youre lurking in front of me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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