she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
