When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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