ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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