pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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